Stop Judging Yourself and Get Unstuck

Do you ever wonder why your life hasn't just worked out yet? Why you keep reading book after book and nothing seems to stick? It's that thinking that does us all in and keeps us locked in place! In this episode Carly talks about why we have to reframe wondering why our life isn't perfect yet and look for how it already is. She reminds us that along the way it won't be perfect and we can't judge ourselves for any missteps, just keep moving forward.

Please note, this episode has been transcribed by a computer, expect some typos!

Carly Puch

Welcome back to another episode of consciously clueless. I'm your host, Carly, and I'll be your guide on the journey from cluelessness to consciousness and back around again. Thanks for joining me for another solo Sunday episode, get your week started off right and really excited that you're here. So something I've talked about before, but I was thinking a lot about today again, is this idea of progress, not perfection. And I think that phrase gets thrown around a lot. We're like, yeah, perfect doesn't exist. We just need to make progress. But it's easy to say. It's hard to actually believe. So what do I mean? let me dive in a little more here. I am a self proclaimed self help junkie. I love listening to podcasts. I love reading self help books. I love learning things about growth mindset and manifestation and creating the life you want. And I just eat it all up. It's so exciting to me to learn new ways to make life better. But sometimes I get caught in that trap when I do that, that I'm expecting all those things to change and happen instantaneously.

So let's say I read a new book. I read the last page. I close the book, The next day, wake up and I'm like, okay, why haven't all the things I learned happened yet? And it's hard. It's hard because you put in all this good work, and sometimes it takes longer than you expect. Sometimes things happen very differently than you thought. Or sometimes things just don't happen. And it's really hard then to not get back into a spiral of like, well, all of this is bullshit. I'm not sure why I'm trying. But I want you to think about it a little differently, because that's what I'm trying to do. I have been caught in this loop of feeling bad. I've talked about how bad my depression got this year. And once I started to feel just a little better. It was such a good feeling. Like Okay, here we go, I'm on the up and up. Everything's good, that spell is over. And then I would have a bad day. And it would feel like all of those good days in between meant nothing because of this bad day, which when I say it out loud, sounds ridiculous. But it's so easy to feel. We get in that pattern so easily with a lot have things in our life. And I even talked to my therapist about that, like, Well, I was feeling really good. Now what did I do? As if you feel really good, and you cross that off the list and it's never gonna come back? I just set myself up for failure we all do if we have that mindset.

So what I'm trying to work on is that idea of progress, not perfection, not asking, why isn't my life perfect yet? Or why haven't all these things I read in the book helped or why hasn't gone to therapy helped or whatever it is, but the reality is that it has helped. It's making you ask those questions. It's making you think it's probably making you show up differently. It's just not overnight. And I love a good to do list. I love to check things off and be done with it. But that is, unfortunately, or fortunately maybe just not how this stuff works. It's not how making change works. It's up and down, it's back, it's forth. But it's all movement. That's the important part is it's all movement towards something, it might just look a little different some days. And this can happen more than just in the big idea of changing patterns in your life. Even in small things, if you're trying to change your diet, or if you're trying to work out more, or if you're trying to change some of those types of habits. It's really, really easy to get into the pattern of, okay, I've done this perfectly for two weeks or three weeks, or two days or three days. And then you have a day where things don't go, how they've been going. You eat in a way that doesn't make you feel good or you miss a workout or whatever it is. And then it's so easy to feel like Well, everything else was a wash. Everything else was a waste of time, because here I am back at this. But that doesn't make sense. It's crazy. It's so easy to think like that. But that's not it. All of that good work that you did. Made you stronger for the next time.

That's what I keep thinking about. When I started to feel better with my mental health, I was really worried about what if this happens again? What if it happens again? What if I feel like I'm crashing? What if I feel like I can't handle it again? what if what if, what if which is a terrible game to play? The What if game, I don't recommend it. And I asked my therapist that and the first answer she gave me I didn't really want to He said it might happen again. And I was expecting more of a no, you're good. Even though deep down, I knew that that's not what she would say. But she did. She said that might happen again. She said, but how will this time be different? What will you know now that you didn't know before, and that brought my anxiety down. That brought me so much comfort. Because every time you feel like you're slipping, or every time, you feel like you didn't get that streak of workouts, or every time, whatever it is, you gain something, you learned something. But we get caught in that shame spiral that we completely throw all that work out the window, which is doing ourselves a disservice. So now I can think about that when I'm like, oh, man, I'm not having a good day. What if this is the beginning of not feeling good for a while Again, really, I'm just making myself feel worse by thinking that way. I'm making myself sit in fear. And I'm just bringing more fear on that way. Instead of saying, Okay, today was rough, I did not feel my best. But what did I learn last time I did this? What did I learn last time I felt this way, what worked? What didn't work? That's really hard to do in the moment. That's why it's a practice. That's why we talk to people. That's why we ask for help.

But I encourage you to start thinking in that way, because instead of saying, Oh, no, what if this is the beginning of a bad day? Oh, no. What if this is the beginning of a bad spell? Oh, no, this is just bad luck. It just keeps happening. reframing that to say, oh, today was a shit day, tomorrow is going to be great. Or that was a bad moment. Here's how I'm going to turn it around. It sounds really corny. But you have to kind of almost trick your own mindset into going towards something positive. I was reading a book by Gabby Bernstein. And she was talking about reaching for that. Those moments of sweetness that positivity. Like really imagining yourself reaching for it, like okay, yep. Got into that bad pattern. Today I'm going to reach for thinking about something else. Because really, the biggest obstacle in life is our own minds. We just spiral so easily. It's so easy to go down that path. It's so easy to close that self help book and say, Okay, I did it. Why isn't everything working? Why isn't everything manifested? Why hasn't all of my bad habits? Why aren't they gone? What's going on? I did it, I read the book or listen to the podcast. I've totally done that so many times. But then I'm just wasting my own time. The amount of time I've wasted and learned from, I'll try and refrain that. But the amount of time I've spent worrying about why aren't things better? Why aren't I further along in my journey? on healing or in changing? Why don't I feel good? Why, why why, why, why? Why? So I'm spending all of this mental energy, worrying about that making myself anxious. When I could just be worrying about how to actually do that.

It's crazy, right? We spend all this time thinking, Well, why hasn't it worked yet? And then We get caught in that. But instead, what if I sat down and said, here's all the ways it is working. Here's all the work I've been putting in. We don't give ourselves enough credit. Oftentimes, I feel like sometimes I get caught and even worrying about jinxing it or something. I don't know if you all have done this, but when people say, oh, how's your day? Let's say a friend texts you Hey, how's your day going? I've literally texted typed out. Great, cuz that's how I feel. And then I hit backspace, Backspace, backspace. And like that's, that's a little much. I mean, that's crazy. Just to say I'm having a great day. Instead of all go Oh, yeah, it's pretty good. It's like you're jinxing it, but that's the exact opposite. When you say I'm having a great day, here is why you're just bringing more of towards you. You're just spreading that to that friend to share their good times. And the things that have gone good in their days. Instead of saying, man, I, I don't know this one bad thing happened. So the whole day is a loss. mean you your energy comes from what you focus on. But what I want to clarify in that is yes, mindset is important. But don't rag on yourself for getting caught in those spirals because that's also a waste of time. So it's easy to kind of go on this loop of man, I spent a lot of time worrying about this, and then you're worrying about worrying. It's just crazy what the mind can do, and how it can play these tricks on us. It's our ego getting in our way when we could really just let it all down and feel our feelings and I bet I got a few roles that that that doesn't have to mean like, feeling or feelings doesn't have to be bad or sad. It can just be like, yeah, I'm feeling really good today, or this great thing happened or I'm feeling okay, whatever it is just being honest with our feeling, and then focusing on the good, not getting caught in that spiral.

It is a total practice. It is something to constantly be working on. Something that helps me is writing things out. There's something really cathartic for me about seeing things in writing, even if you type it out on the your phone and your Notes app or whatever it is. But to write out like, this is what happened today. That was great. This is what happened today that I could do better. And then you see that and then your mind is seeing that your brain is seeing that your soul is saying like Okay, she understands. She's working on that. She's recognizing the good stuff. We're going to give her more good stuff. This progress, not perfection idea, everyone really grappling with a lot. Because it's also easy to get into that ego space when you're doing the work. It's easy to judge others and think that they're not. I know I've done that. I know I've thought of myself as, Oh, I'm trying really hard. I'm listening to podcasts, I'm reading. What are they doing, which is also just terrible energy. Any moment you put yourself above anybody else for any reason, as some low vibe stuff. But it's easy to do. The ego wants to be in control.

So I encourage you all to keep doing the work. encourage you all, to keep paying attention to where your thoughts and your energy is going. I encourage you all to try and catch yourself when you're getting in those spirals and reframe, drawn more of the goodness. But what I really encourage you all to do is not judge yourself. When you're not exactly where you think you are, or exactly where you think you should be. Because you've read the books, you've done this, you've done that. You're worrying about not being where you think you should be, is keeping you from getting to that place. It's exactly why you're not there. Because you're spending more time worrying on the journey and not feeling the journey and feeling what those good feelings are along the way. You're just worried you're not where you should be. But the moment we can let them Go. And the moment we can think I'm exactly where I need to be right now. That's when we actually get there. It's counterintuitive. I know. It's really all comes back to control, which I joke about a lot. Because I have a tendency to want to control situations. But that's a big part of this. When you want to control exactly where you're at, the universe is like, Ha, nice try. It's not gonna let you wants you to know that you have to surrender a little bit. You have to give that up. And just take it a step at a time.

My grandfather turned 92 years old this week 92. I talked to him on the phone. And I asked him what the secret was to living to be 92 years old. If he could just say summon up one secret. And he said, without even pausing, trust in the Lord and take one day at a time. Gabby Bernstein the author, she talks about how we can use that language, whatever religion you're a part of, or if you're religious or not. The Lord can be. God can be spirit can be Angel can be energy can be universe, I always say the universe. That's what I really connect to. But he nailed it. Trust in the universe. Trust where you're supposed to be at is where you're at. And take it one day at a time. stop spending all of your energy judging yourself for where you're at. and use it instead to celebrate where you're at. Stop acting, asking why is my life not perfect? And start pointing out all the ways it is. And I'm not a pro at this. Don't take this, like I'm some guru that has figured this out. This is an everyday thing. But I'm definitely getting better at noticing the spiral a little sooner, noticing the negative thoughts a little quicker. And I hope that you can all start to do that too. Because it really does make a difference in your day, and in your relationships and in your friendships, and how you show up in your work, and how you show up in your journey. Progress, not perfection. Stop judging yourself. You've got way too many other things to do in this world than spend time judging yourself for where you're at.

Thanks for listening to another episode of consciously clueless. I love doing this podcast and I'm so excited to see where it goes. And how it grows. One way you can help me do that is review the podcasts on Apple podcasts. I'm going to start doing a review of the week, because I'm getting reviews that are literally bringing me to tears. They're so lovely, and I want to share them with you all. And if you leave a review, you can be read on air as a review of the week. So this week's comes from Chris Ollie. Oh 717 and it is titled inspired. So things have been a lot lately. I've been disconnected from everyone. work has been overwhelming. The world is shut down and everybody else just realized that we're all racist. And to top it all off, I felt hopeless and pessimistic about the future for me, and for everyone. But then I heard Carly talking about manifestation. And then we connected and talked about manifestation. And then I realized that this person really knows Is what she's talking about, and gives us all hope that we can take agency in our lives, even when it all feels like it's outside of our control. She reminds us that each of us is powerful. She reminds us to take stock in our communities. She reminds us to speak our truths. And she reminds us that through critical thought and intentional actions, we can manifest meaningful and socially responsible change in our lives and in our world. Wow. Thank you so much for that review. I read it and cried. Because that is a summary of exactly what I want to do in this world. So thank you.

Thanks again for listening to another episode of consciously clueless. If you have thoughts on this episode, or have had any moments like this where you get caught in your own spiral. I want to hear about it. Come share with me on Instagram or on Facebook. wherever it is, connect with me. I want to hear your stories. Until next time, everybody