How to Be Ok, When You're Not Ok




Sometimes you just need to come to peace with it not being a perfect day. After two days of anxiousness Carly realized that as soon as she accepted it was ok to not be ok she felt a little better, funny how that works!


Please note, this episode has been transcribed by a computer, expect some typos!


Carly Puch

Welcome back to another episode of consciously clueless. My name is Carly, and I'll be your guide on this journey from consciousness to cluelessness and back around again. Thanks for joining me for another solo episode. Whether it's Sunday night, you're gearing up for the week, or it's Monday morning, and you're on your way to work, or whatever day this podcast found you. I'm really glad you're here. Before we get going, I want to read this week's review of the week from Apple podcasts. The review is titled great podcast from Lex Oh 514. They write discusses all of the big questions in an approachable way and is very easy to listen to keep it up. Thank you so much for that review. That really is what I'm trying to do to take all of these topics that may seem unapproachable, or scary, or like they aren't for us and bring them to a place where we can talk about things and we can hear things differently. And we can learn. So thanks for that review. If you want to be read on air, as a review of the week, go to Apple podcasts and leave me a review. I would greatly appreciate it.

So for today's episode, I had something totally different planned. I'm recording this a few days early because I'm going to be gone. And I wanted to talk about another topic that I'll come back to at a later date. But the last two days have been so anxiety filled for me in a way that I haven't felt in a while. It felt like I needed To talk about that, it felt like I would be pretending if I didn't. And that's something I really don't want to do on the space and on this podcast. So, the title of this podcast being okay with not being okay. Let me tell you where that comes from. Today is day two of feeling really anxious, and having a harder time than I have been lately of pulling myself out of it. I was doing the things on my list that I know help. It was eating well. I was resting. I was moving my body. I was reaching out to people. I was doing the things on my list, which is a big improvement from where I was before, not wanting to admit that I was even feeling off and just pushing through. So I want to pause and give myself credit for that. Because I wasn't always good at that and still struggle to say, okay, you did do some things. But I still felt really overwhelmed with everything I needed to do. And I just couldn't shake it. I was meditating, I was journaling. I mean, y'all, I did everything in my list. And I know that those things helped. I can't imagine the state I would be in if I wouldn't have done that checklist

But something just would not leave me. And then I remembered all of the things I've been reading, and gobbling down about manifestation. And we often think about manifestation for manifesting positive things. Like I want to manifest money or a new job or a relationship. But something interesting about manifesting is how we can manifest our own suffering or our own problems because really, the idea behind it is just where your energy is. Those are the things you're attracting. And I just kept thinking about how anxious I felt, how overwhelmed I was and how nothing was happening. Nothing was helping. That was the loop I was on. Nothing's helping day to. I'm so anxious, why isn't anything working? I couldn't get out of that frame of mind. And then, just a little bit ago, I had this moment where I thought to myself, What if I was just okay with the fact that I wasn't okay today? What if I kept doing all the things that I know work and help? I'm not saying don't do anything. But what if I just accepted today, this is how I feel and came to terms with it.

What if I could do that first. It's really hard to go from a state of anxiety and a feeling overwhelmed To feeling great and like no big deal, that doesn't often work that easily. So I wanted to take a smaller step, instead of trying to pretend like everything was fine and perfect, and I was over it. I said, What if today just isn't the best day? What if I was just okay with how things were going and moved through it. And I'm not saying this was an instant fix, but it definitely helped. It almost made me laugh, which could be due to the fact that I'm really tired. But also just because I realized again, how hard I was making things on myself. I was the one causing my stress more than anything else in my life, because I was stuck on the idea that I was stressed out, and that I was anxious. And that's not to downplay how I felt. I was Definitely feeling anxious. I was definitely feeling overwhelmed. I could feel it in my body. I could physically feel it, I could mentally feel it. My sleep hasn't been great. All of the things that come with anxiety I was experiencing. But this small shift made me pause. And it is crazy how effective a small pause can be when you're spiraling. Letting go of the idea of having to course correct right away, almost in a manic way, just as manic as I felt in one direction.

I was almost obsessively trying to fix it instead of just feeling it. And I can get caught in that loop sometimes. I want to do the things I know will help and I want them to help. But sometimes I forget to pause and ask myself why I'm feeling this way. So why was I feeling anxious, I had a lot to get done. My sleep is off and preparing to leave town. There were a lot of things on top of my mental health in general, that were causing me to feel this way. And identifying where it was coming from, made me look at my to do list and prioritize things and see them a little bit easier. It was like I could see that they would get done. So moving from feeling anxious to just saying, Okay, I need to be okay with not being okay. And I don't want to encourage anyone to sit in that place. To just day after day, say it's okay to not be okay forever and ever. That's not what I mean. But if you're trying to move through that feeling As my friend told me today ride the wave. Maybe the next step is just to accept that that's how you're feeling. It's not to fix it, I'm a fixer. I want things fixed. But I think today, my fix was just admitting that that's what I was feeling. And then things felt just a little easier. Things felt just a little lighter, to move through. It's okay to not be okay. I put a lot of pressure on myself to do things right every day. But that's just not how it works. And that's okay. The pressure to do things right every day really sets you up for a loss because you're not going to do things right every day. If that's the goal you have, when it doesn't happen, it feels worse. It feels worse to be having a bad day because I'm in that mindset that I'm not supposed to. I've talked about this before, but that idea of I thought I was over this. I thought I dealt with this. I didn't think I got anxious anymore. My anxiety hadn't felt like it did these past few days for quite a while, like the persisting, go to sleep and still wake up in that state. I hadn't felt that for a while. And I was frustrated. Because I thought I was over it as if those things you can just snap your fingers and they never come back.

But I set myself up for a loss because I held myself to a standard that does not even exist. How ridiculous is that? It doesn't even exist. It's okay to not be okay. I want you to really think about that. Like, say that sentence out loud to yourself. hear your own voice say, it's okay to not be okay. It's alright. We're human. Of course, we're not going to be okay. Every single moment of every single day. And it's 2020 We are not going to be okay every moment of every day in 2020. That is for sure. There are a lot of things going on. But as soon as I stopped resisting that feeling of just acceptance, it lifted. I was just pushing and pushing and pushing through, but not really listening to my own body. And if you've been following along on social media as I talk about returning from my running injury or you listened to that podcast, you'll know I've talked about feeling that intuneness, intuneness? Sure, we'll go with that in tune is with my body in a different way. Because I've had to slow down my running, pay attention to my pace, shorten my distance, and all those things, but it's made me really pay attention to my body as a runner. And these practices of mindfulness, that's really what it is, is mindfulness, of being able to say, Okay, I'm not okay today. That's all right. I'm going to do the best I can. I'm going to still do my checklist because I know it helps. And then I'll see what tomorrow brings. But if I'm already saying today was the worst tomorrow I was going to be the worst because I'm not done with all the things I thought I'd get done today. I've already created that story. I've just created a self fulfilling prophecy. Well, tomorrow is going to be the worst because I already said it would be

Just like we can manifest beautiful things in our life, we can manifest negative things too. If that's all we're focusing on. It's not easy. It's so hard sometimes to get out of that spiral. Our brain loves focusing on the negative, it loves challenging us in that way. But bringing attention to your thoughts, even for a second can help. For me, it's always been journaling and seeing things in writing feels like it kind of gets it out of my brain, but maybe you just talk to a friend about it. Or maybe you record your own voice in a voice note on your phone or something where it feels like you're kind of getting it out in whatever way that makes sense for you. Or maybe it is movement. Maybe it's running or doing yoga. And sometimes I think this is hard for me, sometimes. All the things on the checklist, every single one, I can check 12 things off in the day that I know helped me. And I want those 12 things to completely solve it. And sometimes it's not going to. Sometimes it's not going to. Sometimes we're going to do all the things we know that help and we're still going to be sitting in this place of what the hell is going on in my mind. What is my brain doing to me? That's okay. And sometimes it's different things that work for different levels of stress. Sometimes a run is just what I need. Other times It's relaxing, and eating popcorn. Different parts of your list of what you know helps you will help in different situations. You can't have one go to strategy for making yourself feel better. It can't always be running or it can't always be whatever it is. You need a few different things to try. So when one doesn't work, you can go to the next.

Being Okay, with not being okay. It's a powerful place to be. Acceptance of how you're doing moves you into the actual feeling better. It's counterintuitive, but I swear if you try it might work. Even just a little bit. Accepting This is it. This is how I feel right now. Why am I feeling this way? Okay, great. That's what's happening. That's my truth. That's my reality and that is totally fine. And then accepting that and saying I feel it, I own it. You get to move forward a little easier. There's a little less resistance there. I hope you all know that it's okay. For not every day to be your best. I am working on this all the time. But it's okay to not be okay. I want to hold space for everyone right now in this moment. That's having they're not best day. That's having in okay to not be okay day. I feel you. I am here with you and I am working through it too. But I hope tomorrow. No, I'm going to reframe that right there, manifesting. I know, tomorrow, we are all going to have a little better day. Whatever that means for everyone listening. Tomorrow is going to be a little better.

Thank you for listening to another episode of consciously clueless. I really enjoy these solo episodes, and getting to connect with you all on a single issue every week, or a single thing that's rolling around in my brain. If you are loving this podcast, please subscribe wherever you listen and leave a review on Apple podcasts. It will help others see this podcast more and more. Share with your friends, your family. And if you want to see my weekly newsletter, where I talk about these things to send me your email, and we can connect for there and I will see you next episode.