Do You Run From Hard Questions?

Inspired by listening back to episode 35 with Honey LaBronx, Carly explores why we sometimes run from the hard questions. She talks about how why asking hard questions - whether in work, relationships, social justice, and more - make us feel so damn vulnerable and why we should ask them anyway.

Please note, this episode has been transcribed by a computer, expect some typos!

Carly Puch

Welcome back to another episode of Consciously Clueless. I'm your host, Carly, and I'll be your guide on this journey from consciousness to cluelessness and back around again. Thanks for joining me on another Sunday solo episode, whether it's Sunday night, and you're prepping for the workweek, Monday morning, and you're on your way, or whatever day This podcast is found you. I'm really glad you're here. So for quite a while I was reading the podcast review of the week. But the last two weeks, I've read reviews of students that have taken yoga classes with me. And that has been so fun to see and more reviews have come in. And since I don't talk about yoga, that much on here and that I'm an instructor, I thought I would read those when they come in to and continue to do that just so you kind of get a flavor of the class. And now that they're online, you can join from wherever you are. So this review is short and sweet. But it says, "Thursday night yoga with Carly is a welcoming environment is something I look forward to at the end of the week. The instruction is great. And I always feel I leave with a sense of improved well being." I love that. I love that. If you want to join, send me an email at and I will get you set up with all the information.

So tonight, I want to talk about the idea of asking questions and being afraid to do so. I was in the car with my mom today. And we listened to part one. The episode with honey Ola Bronx, shout out to honey in the Bronx. I hope we continue to do part three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six. But in that conversation, well first side note, y'all that is the first time I listened to one of my episodes. Like just listen to it. I hear it obviously when I edit it, but I've never just straight up listened to a full episode. It just always felt really weird. But it was kind of fun to listen to it with my mom and to see, you know, consciously clueless, the podcast pop up on the little screen and the truck. I was like, oh, that's my podcast that's coming through. That's mine. That's me. So that was really fun.

I don't think I'll keep listening to episodes because I also hear all the things I want to change or could do better. That's something I need to not do so much. But it was fun. But in that episode, something that we talked about sparked this idea in my head that I've thought about before and probably mentioned before, but this idea of asking questions, like, for example, let's say you are interested in becoming vegan, you know, kind of baseline information, you know what it is, you know, kind of what it entails. But you don't have a ton of knowledge on it or don't have a handle on it. And you're kind of unsure where to start. But asking questions is scary. Because and this is something that in that episode with Honey LaBronx we talked about and was articulated so well, not by me. But this idea of we are all kind of living in this space, where we are either trying to look good, or trying to avoid looking bad. And asking questions about something we don't understand has the potential I think in our own heads to make us look bad.

Because that means we're admitting we don't know something. And that makes us feel stupid. I mean, think about it. How many times in your life? Have you wanted to ask a question? Because you didn't understand something? But you didn't, because you did not want to say that out loud. So instead, you walked away. And you still don't know or still didn't have the answer or whatever it was. And when you think about that, when you verbalize it, it's crazy. Like it's a game you know, like we're all in this game of wanting to learn as much as we can and that's part of life but we cheat ourselves in the game because we don't want to look bad. We don't want to ask questions. That's so silly. I mean, it's real. It comes from a real place. That's a real feeling. I'm not invalidating that I felt that. But it's not necessary. We should ask as many questions as we can, when appropriate, because that is how we learn. If I wouldn't have asked questions about becoming vegan, I wouldn't have learned. Or if I wouldn't have asked questions about becoming more sustainable, or inquired about that I wouldn't have gotten on that journey.

Asking questions of people that know things about a subject you're interested in, or whatever it is, is how you move forward. But so often, we walk away from situations, not having asked that question, and you can apply it even in spaces, where it's not necessarily if you can learn something, but what if it's just like, you're still learning? But in a different sense? What if it's in a relationship or a friendship? What if you're wondering how someone feels? Or if someone is mad at you, or if you did something, or anything like that? How many times have you walked away from a situation, myself included? I can raise my hand for this question to worrying about something in a relationship with someone, or in a friendship with someone, or walking away from someone not knowing if they feel the same way that you do. Because we're afraid to have the conversation and afraid to ask the question, because we might look bad.

What if we are more invested than somebody else? What if we're less invested than somebody else? We continue to keep ourselves in confusion and in stagnation, by not asking questions. That's it just asking questions. I mean, think of how simple that is, if you hang out with small children ever, or if you have small children. You know, they ask a million questions. a million questions constantly. What is this? What is this do? Why, why? Why? But that's because they're learning. They're willing to say, I don't know what this thing does. So I'm going to ask you because I want you to teach me about it. They are willing to say I have no idea. Tell me more. Because they don't care at that young age. They're not worried that they look bad. They just want to have more information. What if we acted more like that? What if we were more willing to ask questions, have that innocence back in our lives of not caring and just saying I want to know this thing? I want to know if this person cares about me as much as I care about them. Or I want to know how to order at a restaurant when you're newly vegan, because I don't understand what this means. Or I want to know what dish soap I could use that's more earth friendly. But I don't want to look stupid.

All of these things. I mean, those are that's a that really runs the gamut, right relationships to dish soap. But they kind of all boil down to this idea of us not wanting to ask questions, because we're afraid of looking bad, because we want to stay looking good. But that just needs to be reframed. I want to throw that out. I want to move past this space of asking questions means you look bad because you look stupid. And that asking questions means you're intelligent, because you want to learn and you are ready for more knowledge. Throw it at me. Tell me more. Or you want to know how this person feels. Don't ever go through life wishing you would have said something. Even if you don't get the response that you want.

Never go through life not having said something because it's the worst feeling in the whole world, wondering what the response would have been. And that response may be bad and maybe not what you want, but it gives you information. My therapist and I have talked about that numerous times. What if I don't get the answer I want when I talked to this person about x. And she always reminds me that it might not be the answer you want. But you're always going to be gathering information. The information will help you and guide you forward. Even if it's not the answer you want. You're learning and you're figuring out what to do next. And again, I think I say this in every solo episode, but I am not talking about this as if I am some expert. I like to think I've worked on this skill. The podcast has helped that. But I've still walked away from situations wishing I would have said something.

But I'm doing that less and less. And also admitting, I don't know, like, think of those words, some of you may have had like, a body a physical reaction to the thought of saying the words, I don't know out loud. I don't know, I have no idea. Or saying I didn't know that before. That one I think is really key in learning about systems of oppression and injustice and racism and sexism and veganism, and different ways of living. Because a lot of things, especially if you have a lot of privilege, you get to side, step those things. If you don't want to, you don't have to look at a lot of these issues. So you have to get to a point where you can say I did not know that. I really did not know that. But now I do. And now I want to learn more. Tell me more. And ask questions. Ask questions. It's such a lost art, which is making me sound like I'm like 1000 years old people don't listen like they used to. But the idea of asking questions, and genuinely getting into those things doesn't happen all the time. But it should, because it helps us grow. And it helps us connect to the people around us.

This became quickly so much more of a tangent than I realized, apparently I have more to say than I thought. But the moral of this story is I want to keep living in a way that encourages me to ask questions. And to not equate asking questions with looking bad, or being stupid. I want to continue to push myself to move past that feeling of stupidity by saying I don't know. Or be vulnerable enough to ask questions that you know, you might not like the answer. And at least you'll know, at least you'll know. And then you can move forward with that information in any way you see fit. But you have the information to move forward with. And that's crucial. So I want you to think for a second. What questions do you want to ask that you haven't been able to?

Maybe there are questions I can help you with, like being vegan or health and wellness stuff. Basically anything that can fall into that category I love talking about or yoga. Anything manifesting all of this stuff I love and talk about maybe there are questions that you've been afraid to ask anybody that you can message me and I can help. Or maybe there are questions that are for other people in your life. Or maybe they haven't happened yet, but they will. And hopefully you'll remember that asking questions. doesn't make you look bad. It makes you look really good. And that is something to remember when moving through the space especially 2020.

Like, there are so many moments in this past year where you know, I thought I was more conscious than I was and turns out I was a little more clueless and had some catching up to do but I'm trying to remember that's really exciting, because that means I get to learn more. I need to learn more and what a privilege that is to be able to say that. ask the hard questions regardless of what the answer could be.

Thanks for listening to another episode of consciously clueless. If you're enjoying this podcast and hit subscribe, wherever you're listening, and if you want to help me grow this podcast, send it to a friend texted to a family member share on social media whenever you can to get it into the ears of more listeners and greatly appreciated. And if you really want to go above and beyond in helping me out, head over to Apple podcasts. Leave a quick review. It only takes a minute, and you can be read on air as a review of the week. Until next time.